Shout. S.H.O.U.T. Five alphabets. Sometimes it is the only solution. Sometimes its just not enough. Its not the answer to any question, yet it seems to be the only answer at times.
How do you miss someone so much everyday that it hurts. There are things that I don't remember and I still miss. It's not fair. Not of any of us. It scares me to think of what next. To think of what will happen. I want to leave and I never want to leave. I want to stay but I want to go. Run away from it all yet hold on to it.
Shut your eyes and close your ears and just wish everything away! SHOUT.

The newspaper and the media is full of discussions on the Supreme Court confirming Ajmal Kasab's death sentence, mostly revolving around whether death sentence should be abolished or not.

While I dont really have an opinion on the same, however all these discussions got be thinking about euthanasia.

Irrespective of the crime, death sentence, against the foundation of human rights, is the State taking the life of another person. So, if under certain circumstances, the State is allowed the take the life of another, is a person, again, under certain specified circumstances, not allowed to take his life?

A person is sentenced to death only in the 'rarest of the rare cases'. A number of SC cases define the term 'rarest of rare', and thus, using the same as precedence, a person is sentenced. The position that euthanasia somehow on the wrong end of the moral compass when death sentence is justified, seems to be entirely misplaced to me!

After much thought and research and I come to the conclusion that men are scared of women who speak their minds! They are ok with being friends with 'that girl' who may cuss and not be politically correct at all times and say things like 'vagina' and 'penis' and all other bodily parts without looking around or whispering, but god (or whoever) forbid that girls turns out to like you! The guy runs the other way!

What is so scary about women who are 'open-minded' and unfazzelled and unashamed of who they are? Why is it that men get intimidated by any woman might be smart and aware? 

Things I have learnt from my dog

I have a dog. 4 years old (that's 28 in human years!). I think he was a philosopher in this past life. Actually, I KNOW he was a philosopher in his past life. He is a mutt, but officially a docker. Google the breed. Its legit!

Anyway, having had the absolute pleasure of knowing him and having seen him grow from a minuscule little nothing to this (still small) protector and saviour of the people who feed him, it has taught me how to inculcate parts of his personality (yes, animals do have personalities, and traits, and habits. They are just like humans, except cuter and more civil!) into me.

• Love all. And don't be afraid to show it. Only someone with a dog would know the absolute pleasure of being welcomed into the home, after a long day at work, with a wagging tail and slobbery kisses! Its like every little (and big) problem in life, for that 5 minutes just disappear. Life becomes happy and simple again! That's the magic of a pet. 
• Patience.  When there is a rat at home, it becomes the sole motive of my dog (is it with all dogs?) to catch that rat. But, the trick is to let it come to you. So, there will be my dog, waiting, could be for a few hours, or for a few days, for the rat to come out of hiding. And when and if that rat dares to show its creepy face, there is a bark, a dash, and the rat is dead and forgotten. Off trots the warrior with a biscuit in his mouth and his nose in the air.
• Confidence. Now, my dog is like two feet nothing. He just about reaches my knees. That's how small he is. But does he feel that small? No baby. Nope. Nopety do. In his head, he is a rottweiler and a great dane all in one. He is ready to fight with any dog who so much as tries to growl at him. There he will be, 3/4th the size of most street dogs, barking his head off, showing his teeth, and ready to fight. And truth be told, he does put up an excellent fight! My hero!!!
• Know what you want, and don't be shy about telling people. Ok, so this is a VERY important lesson. Be it at the work place, or in relationships. Communication. Even the four legged love of life knows that no one cannot read his mind. If he wants to go for a walk, he'll tell you. If he is hungry, he ensures everyone knows. If he feels ignored, he tells you straight up. 
• Understanding. And tolerance. No one, and I mean NO ONE, will ever tolerate you like a person who truly loves you will. It comes along with understanding. If I am upset, he knows. If im frustrated, he knows. He'll let me shout at him and vent my frustration. He comes and sits next to me, not saying anything, just sitting, when im upset. He tolerates and he understands and he knows.

While sitting with some friends over a late evening coffee, the discussion steered towards feminism. Though the discussion did not last, but when I got home, I received an email of a youtube video. The video, part of an experiment by some students from Duke University, asked people why they needed feminism.

But, before one gets to the 'why', the 'what' is more important. What really is feminism? The magic of the term is that it can mean so many different things. A feminist is no longer a bra burning, angry lesbian. The definition of feminism has become fluid over time.

When a friend and I, while travelling on the metro, got into a discussion about feminism, some time back, I (for the first time, I might add), managed to explain what feminism meant to me.

Feminism, for me, is when I can be the woman I am while not being judged for the very same. Yes, I love to giggle. Yes, I love clothes and shoes. Yes, I do enjoy watching over-the-top rom coms. Yes, I thrive on a evening with my girl friends and gossip and 'girly laughter'. But that does not mean that I don't want to work. That does not mean that I don't want to earn. That does not mean that I don't work as hard as my male counter parts. That does not mean that I am any less aware or intelligent then any man. That does not mean that I should be in the kitchen and not sit across a table with another man and talk about things that matter.

That's all that feminism is to me. Its that simple really. Its the freedom to do and be what I want without being judged on it. If I want to stay at home and cook and clean after the husband and children, if that is what I choose to do, no one should tell me that I should not. If, I want to work, and earn and not want my whole life to revolve around a man, no one should tell that I should not. If I work 10 hours a day, I deserve just as much as my male counter-part does.

Social and economic equality and the right to do what I want, as I want, when I want. That's feminism for me! 

A crime by any other name would still be a crime

So, I am doing this report on rape. The project involves an analysis of the judgements for the last few years to track a trend in the decisions.

As women, we all know about how 'safe' cops can make us feel. And then they came out in public (ummm) and revealed themselves in a way they had never done before. It was splashed all over the newspaper and became a hot topic on the internet.

But all this did not come a shock to me. We have been battling this mindset for very long now. What has actually shocked me is the mindset of the legal system. Lawyers blatantly arguing about how a 16 year could not be raped because she is 'habitual to sexual intercourse'and thus a 'girl of easy virtue' and judges reducing sentences of convicts on the ground that an 18 year old could not be mature enough to know about the implications of having sex with a minor.

Rape is a crime. And the legal system is in place to protect the rights of the victim. But when did this happen? When did the victim become the one who was on trial?

We live in a patriarchal and misogynistic society. But shouldn't we draw the line somewhere? When do we learn that a crime is a crime is a crime and it makes no difference whether the victim is a virgin or a sex worker.

"If a shopkeeper is selling a vegetable for Rs. 100 and someone comes along and pays Rs. 50 for that vegetable and takes it and runs away, its called stealing. Similarly, if a woman agrees to sex for an X amount and the man pays less, it is rape", said a very well known activist to me. And it really is that simple. Consent under fraud is no consent.

But to explain this to the archaic people 'running' legal system, is impossible.

And then there is ever popular argument of the character of the woman. We live in 2012! Woman have sex before marriage. Does that mean that we all want to be raped? And why does a man's character not come into question? Why does the victim have to go through weird medical examinations of checking how many fingers can be inserted into her vagina and whether she is habitual to sexual intercourse while the sexual history of the accused is never discussed?

A rape victim is asked questions like whether is orgasmed during the rape! I mean a question like that is perversive at so many different levels! To start with, someone please tell our lawyers and judges that rape is not a sexual act, it is a crime of violence. Its not about the sexual act. Its about a man violating a woman's body. Its not about a penis entering a vagina, its a 'person' forcing another against her will.

The more I read these judgements, the more I get disgusted. This is not how is supposed to be. This was never how it was supposed to be. I was suppose to be able to walk freely on the roads not looking behind by back every 2 mins or squirming every time a man walks past me.  

16 going on 25 going on 16

When I was 16, I had major plans for my future. I wanted to change the world. Get married. Travel. And look absolutely gorgeous while doing all of it.

I'm 25 now, soon to turn 26. And I have not been able to do anything.

I haven't changed the world yet. Haven't gotten married (far from it actually!). Barely travelled. And I am still struggling with the 'absolutely gorgeous' bit.

I quit my job a week back. It had to be done. I'm happy about it. But at 25, I thought I would have found myself a job that I love, not a job which I felt compelled to leave.

Its difficult being 25. I am no longer young enough to discover myself, but not old enough to have discovered myself.

Marriage is a WHOLE different ball game! What with the serious lack of men (men in general..I'm not even talking about the eligible ones here!) in my life and my very non-existent social life...the future is quite bleak.

The gorgeous bit, I have sort of given up on. I have been trying to loose weight and look 'a certain way' for over 10 years. And I am tired. I tiring to be on a diet, to wake up at insane hours in the morning to exercise, to skip on that piece of cake. I wish I could say that I am through with it all. Unfortunately, I know that I will be getting up tomorrow morning to exercise and I also know that I will be getting on that dreadful weighing scale and go under a mild depression for the rest of the day, just like I do (and have been doing) for so long now.

I wonder of men have all these really weird problems too. Ok, maybe the work bit cuts across sex. But marriage? I don't know too many men who have people telling them to get married because they have turned 25, or who are worried that they have turned 25 and yet have no even remote marriage prospects around them.

I'm soon (a few months now!) going to do my masters. I have been having dreams about how it's going to be. Going abroad, living in a beautiful city, travelling around, meeting a nice guy, getting a masters degree and finding the perfect job which involves more travelling. At times, I feel like I am 16 again, looking at my future, planning it, and naive enough to believe it will all come true. But I am 25, and unfortunately, not as naive, so I am also preparing myself for it all to come crashing down.